Because I figured out who you are, and you got me figured out as well
I don’t really know how to explain myself right now, but I’m in it to tell you. I’ll tell you how I’ve been lately. Lately, I’m on a high. I’m just too damn happy. Though a lot of wretched events just happened and misery is all over me, on top of that, I see myself smiling.
First of all, I miss writing. I miss putting myself into words. I couldn’t say this was no sweat for me because I don’t really reveal what I feel to anybody. I feel really strained talking about my emotions. I’m not that kind of person who feeds into the feeling because I’d rather say that I’m capable of hiding it. I’d rather hope to look tough and resilient rather than be that person whom easily is stimulated by sentiments. It may be a good thing, it may be a bad thing. Sadly, I don’t get to say what I truly feel. I don’t get to say what I feel without cracking up, or changing the topic, or rather smiling. Whatever. I always thought expressing myself was queer and irrational. When I try to say something sincere or profound will all my heart, I end up laughing. I think it’s mawkish, isn’t it? I think it’s hilarious and amusing. I’m a natural in lying low with emotions. It’s been a habit. I’m used to it.
Maybe because a lot of people see me as this ridiculous person who pays no heed to the world. Maybe I’m that person who sees humor in the whole lot. Maybe that sounds exactly like me. But maybe today I’m not.
My phone got snatched last Tuesday. It was 17. I was with her that time, and I hoped for that day to be spent only with her. But I got home immediately after the incident because I felt really bad about the incident.
Today, I got this package from some unknown person named “Jeff Tan”. Who is he anyway? Where in hell could he have known my address? So I opened the package, and got these.
It’s a pepper spray! She told me days before that she’ll surprise me. I figured out she’s Jeff Tan! I know for some this would be some usual package, but this was different.
“So I’ll be more at ease when you go chasing after a bad guy, again. Keep safe, love.”
And that note you’re supposed to put on my wallet? You have no idea how that made me…squirm.
Could you have known what I’m thinking right now, I’m saying it because I want to, not because I have to.
I just want to say that it has been a year and a half and I’ve been a real pain in the ass. Truth be told. Thanks for accepting me as I am, your typical Pau Villanueva. I figured out that you’re one heck of a person, and you don’t deserve me being a jackass, as I was before. Thanks for keeping up with my outlandish self. I can’thelp but think that you’re disturbed with me sometimes, or maybe you got used to it. Thanks for laughing at my jokes, or maybe thanks for laughing at me.. I don’t care if I look stupid, I just want to see you smile, always. Thanks for going with me at JB’s concert. I got the chance to sing to you. Sorry for my voice, and my Bieber Fever…sorry for passing on the illness. Hehe. Thanks for keeping up with my vanity. I knew you could tolerate my face! Just so you know, I love our wacky photo booth photos, no matter how ugly we look. I love it when you feel at ease with me, to the point that you don’t care what you look like. Haha! I’m really grateful for having you. Just so you know, you still give me the jitters every time I see you, just like the first time I ever saw you. I hope you realize that even though I may not take things too seriously, everything I said was sober. I haven’t thought of anything better to conclude this post, but just thanks for trusting me again with your heart. Again, with the tackiness, but I couldn’t help it. It’s been a year and a half, and my yearning didn’t change, even just a bit.
I’m sorry if I let you think that I’m insensitive, that I couldn’t care less and that I don’t take anything seriously, but I hope I changed your mind. ☺
Please say hi to my fellow Tarsier relatives in Bohol! Keep safe, love. ☺
